Yes, I know the title rhymes.
No, it was not on purpose.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way, we can talk about the real issue here — maintaining a routine while the world is on lockdown.
March 17th was the last day we all went our separate ways during the day. I think my daughter started staying home a few days prior to that, but it was the anchor point for when our lives went sideways.
That date was the last time any of us found solace in a daily routine. Sure, we complained about it. We did the daily bitch and cried about how we wished we could stay home instead of doing what we had to do that day.
We were foolish, foolish little people …
At first we gave it a good ol’ collage try. We spent the first week shopping, trying to track down toilet-paper and stocking up on essential items (like toilet paper). We gathered school supplies to help us do the remote learning my daughter school had set up — and searched for toilet paper. I spent the remained of my afternoons trying to navigate unemployment applications and signing up for other emergency benefits.
The second week was not bad either. We did a lot of arts and crafts, played outside and baked. We thoroughly enjoyed our time together. Time we had never gotten before when our lives were a hectic blur of responsibility. I spent more time following up on the previously mentioned applications.
It was around the third week when cabin fever entered our house. We had a few rainy, cold days that week, which I think added to the stress. It didn’t help that we were still searching for toilet paper. I started getting denial letters for some benefits I had applied for and was confused about why.
People started getting stimulus checks, but mine got held up because I had gotten an advance on my taxes this year. My boyfriend found out he would not qualify for the stimulus check because I had claimed him as a dependant this year. I had never done that before and had originally said no when the tax preparator asked me, but they talked me into doing it. A decision I absolutely regret.
A lot of tension flying around in a small apartment.
Here we are in our fourth week of quarantine and it’s not fun anymore. My six-year-old daughter has daily meltdowns because she misses her friends and brother. She gets upset about the smallest things — if her shoe is not tied right, if I make the wrong thing for supper, if I make the right thing for supper and if we don’t have toilet paper.
I get it and I try to support her in everyway I can but there’s only so much you can do. She’s bored with the toys she has spent four solid weeks playing with. Her Grandmother sent her some crafts which helped so much, thank god! She doesn’t quite understand how to deal with the isolation she’s been forced into. Who does? I’m thirty-something years old and I’M having a hard time dealing with it!
I have always prided myself on the cleanliness of my home. It’s small, and there’s a lot of clutter, but it has always been neat, organized clutter. Today it looks like a whirlwind passed through it and honestly, I just don’t care.
I’m at my breaking point. I need a routine. It’s easy to create one in your mind, but hard to find one that works. You need a reason to stick to it. Some sort of consequence to hold you responsible if you don’t stick to it. We just don’t have that.
I know this sounds bad, but I wake up in the morning without a reason to get out of bed. I sound dramatic, and the truth is that my daughter is enough reason — if I don’t get up she’ll wreck the house — but I don’t have a purpose for the day. I have nothing to accomplish, nobody to see and nowhere to be.
I’m hoping now that it’s getting warmer we will be able to find more things to do outside. Yard work, gardening, fishing and ect. How long will it be until that gets old too?
I am very thankful for the time I have spent with my daughter, but it would be nice if we could get back to somewhat of a routine. It would make the days go by much more smoothly. Instead of just sitting around watching the clock tick time away.
But hey … we have toilet-paper!