My fellow parent swearers!

My fellow parent swearers!

There are a lot of things that change when a person becomes a parent. Most of them are big changes that we all know are coming beforehand: less sleep, no time for social interaction and more financial burden.

What about the small shift changes that happen without us ever noticing? Our personalities sway and twist to mold around our young offspring and we turn into parent swearers!

What is a parent swearer?

I’m glad you asked! A parent swearer is someone who has, or is around, small children and cannot say a real adult swear word! They make up substitute words to fit into those spaces instead, and often end up sounding rather stupid!

It’s completely understood and accepted and people around you respect that your not swearing in front of your child. If you do happen to utter the occasional swear word around your precious angel, people will look at you with hatred and disgust. If you scream “Oh monkey butt” in the middle of Wal-Mart with a kid in your cart, you’re going to be met with applause.

Why become a parent swearer?

Children are like if a sponge met a parrot and had babies … they’re sparrots! Or paronges!

Your tiny sparrot watches you as they grow and they learn how to be a functional member of society from mimicking you, provided you are a functional member of society. If you clean your messes when you make them, they will do that too (A lesson for Man-Child tossed in here harmlessly). If you pick your nose all the time, they will too (another lesson for Man-Child!).

Perhaps the biggest example I could give to show how these little paronges work is this: my daughter has a few baby dolls and she cares for them gently and wonderfully. I watch her rock them, sing to them and lay them down with a pat on the tummy and kiss on the head. Then it hit me … she is caring for her babydoll the same exact way I care for her! So if your running around saying …. Bitch please (guilty) so will your little sparrot!

Now I am just as guilty as the next guy, I sometimes drop the Fbomb when I think their not listening but they are. I say shit and damn quite often and when a bitch is being a bitch, I’m gunna say it!

However, 90% of the time I am a parent swearer! If I stubbed my toe before having children I would have screamed a colorful phrase from A-Z, but now? “Fuuu -ridgerator! That gosh darn hurt!”

I say fiddlesticks, poo-poo and crapola on a daily basis! Flipping has replaced another F-word and I like to sneak shit in with a well placed Shiitake mushroom!

I’m just saying, have you ever really listened to a parent swear! We sound absurd!

Then you get around actual adult people and don’t have a clue how to swear anymore! “Yeah, that girl is a poo-poo head!” ….. umm I mean donkey butt … Bitch she’s a flipping bitch! Shiitake mushroom!

The next time you hear a parent saying some off-the-wall phrase, and you think their an idiot, think again! We are trying our best not to raise little assholes! I mean buttheads!

2 thoughts on “My fellow parent swearers!

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