So anyone who has read my About Me Page (you can find that here) already knows that I have a daughter and a step-son. They’re less then a year apart, which has been a blessing some days and a nightmare other days! We had Dominic all summer and it was difficult at first to change our routine around to suit a second child full-time! We did it and we loved every minute of it! Now that schools started again he is back with his mom during the week and comes to our house on the weekends. This has really disrupted our little family!
We miss him! I go in to check on him in the middle of the night and have a mini panic attack when I don’t see him in bed! I include him when I’m trying to decide what to have for supper …. nope can’t have macaroni because Dominic doesn’t like the noodles! Oh yeah …. he’s not here! The Man-Child is once again outnumbered by women and misses his little man during the week, but none of us miss him as much as Kayleigh-Bug!
She is constantly finding new ways to break my heart by expressing her misery over Dominic being gone. She counts down the days until the weekend comes ….
“Mama is today the day we go get Nom-Nom” (She calls him Nom Nom … I know how stinking cute right?).
When we go to the park she plays a bit and then sits down with a big exasperated sigh….
“what’s wrong Bug?” …. “Mama, its sooo boring without Nom Nom!”
The topping on the heartbreak cake came the other night while she was laying on her little couch watching her tablet ….
“Mama I’m gunna play this song when Nom Nom comes this weekend, it’s the perfect song and I think is gunna love it” …. *Plays song* “Everything is going to be okay because we are together, Everything is okay when we are together” ….. OMG!!!!
Okay …. so clearly my child is starving for social interaction! I know she will eventually get it from children at school but that doesn’t do her any good for the second half of the day! I grew up with three sisters and myself so there was always someone to get into trouble with! I cannot imagine spending my days exploring the woods alone, not having someone to share my secret inside jokes with or playing barbies with no one to play Ken! (Okay, we fought about who was going to play ken every single time! But still …)
She is basically an only child for most of the week! She has a brother on weekends and Holidays but the rest of the week he is at his moms house doing his own things and she is here pining away for him! I’ve been watching this eat away at her for weeks and while I try my hardest to fill the void, I am not a child her age!
I don’t understand children’s humor the way she wants me too, I can’t look at her while she is bugging Daddy and think it is the best thing since sliced bread! I don’t want to poke worms with sticks and watch them squirm and riding my bike down the hill into the back fence … well …. it would probably kill me!
So, should I have another child?
Parents do that right, have children for the purpose of giving their other child a playmate? I mean, let’s be honest here, that is why I would do it! Would I love to be pregnant again? Sure, but it would make work a lot harder! Am I happy having one child of my own? Yeah, I think I am but I also want my daughter to have what I had growing up! A bond with her sisters and brother that is unbreakable by any human force! She has that to an extent with her brother but at the same time they didn’t grow up together! They live two separate lives and he is only here half of the time!
I wouldn’t mind having another child! It wouldn’t be ideal because of work and finances but shit … when is it ever ideal? If we were going to have one now would be the time to do it! I wouldn’t want to wait much longer because the longer I wait to more I would be “starting over”. I still have all of Bugs baby stuff if it was a girl and she would be close enough in age that they would be able to be close. If I wait much longer they wouldn’t be as close!
I love Dominic like my own and would jump in front of a bus without hesitation for him but the reality is that he is not my son! I cannot have him all of the time like we would love to have him and it would be good for Kayleigh to have another sibling. I’m not sure if I am ready to go through labor again …. but maybe by then they will have found a way to get the child out without pushing?